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IN A SENTIMENTAL MOOD

by TJ Felix

/
1.
how is it so fukin easy for u to disconnect? I was insane but all I needed was a friend I needed help, but wut more could I expect from a world hellbent on a divisive end if u know me so well then why can't u look me in the eye? are u afraid that I'll be ur mirror? come on, don't be shy.. I'm too broken for u to live in fear there's so much more that i needed u to know so how could u just let go? u gave it ur all, & put on quite a show.. I hear ur voice on the other side of the wall but I thought u were going home? I guess u just couldn't be alone.. it's too easy to disappear I want u to need me & I wish that u were here... everything slips away w ease I'd go screaming naked into the trees but I'm stuck inside w my memories u can come & go as u please im genuinely disturbed by how easily I can fade in & out of ppls lives...
2.
oh, to be young again.. wen even stale moments exploded picking every battle & fighting none & a stifled memory was all I needed to have fun I no longer want to fight the world but it just won't let up I'm one tough lil girl but this time I might not get back up (get up) it took goddamn near 30 years to work up the nerve to laugh maniacally & shed my tears & to live the life that a warrior deserves let down ur guard & hope will follow this life is hard fill up & don't ring hollow but somethings gotta change u can feel something’s gotta change u just know something’s gotta change to even want tomorrow FILL UP & DONT RING HOLLOW
3.
BEHOLDEN 01:36
battered & bruised but consoling u never know wut these nites will pull in wut old lows are now ur new heights? collapsing veins, bloody nose police dog bites, fist fights & the mischief wind blows… I'll be beholden baby, just hold me mapping the ruins of lives that I've touched all the fucked up illusions & punch drunk love maybe I just worry too much but wuts there to live for if not a hunch? i’ll be beholden baby, just hold me im sure youve been warned about me the mouthy brat looking for their family we’re all colliding, getting tangled self obsessed energy vampires needing to feed always looking for wuts been lost so are any of us rly born to be free..?
4.
the stinking tongue of a starving beast licks the chemical sweat from my brow we patiently await deaths sweet release bring it on home now, holy cow.. I can't go one more nite gnawing at my fingers I can't go one more nite clawing at the door I hear a scream from the alley & I just gotta know wen will it be my time to go..? death trip death trip love for anything is a death trip get a grip get a grip feel time slip & get a grip time slip time slip feeling anything is a time slip death trip death trip don't gimme no lip & get a grip
5.
USING ALONE 02:35
summer just begun but a chemical spill killed all our fun we swore we'd always have each other but rn I don't think me & u is enough to resurrect our lost loved ones think of all the strange ppl our parents would trust think of all the things we pulverized to dust to snort or shoot up just like our parents we wanted to grow up big n strong to: - fight the law & lose - prove a point - choose does it make u sad or is it just too bad..? something about that long desolate dirt road terrified me but here i am.. using alone
6.
do u remember all those times I welcomed u into my home & u'd sit & complain for hours about ppl I don't even know..? am I just one of those beasts now scavenging on the periphery? why won't u come wither w me..? I'm so sick of being jaded (love moments) but Ive lost faith in the common good (love moments) too gone to be faded (love moments) beyond burnt out by the neighbourhood (love moments) some ppl want to have problems (love moments) so is that all I am..? (love moments) I'm consumed & im confused by ur **LOVE MOMENTS** ppl can suck u dry ppl can turn their back ppl can watch u fukin die but ppl won't cut u no slack ppl will put u ina box ppl will put u ina noose but ppl won't cut u no slack & sure as hell won't cut u loose
7.
everything faded in & out of itself like a blur everything felt distant & helpless til I met her ashtray heart & chainsmoke brains in a shallow grave I would stir I thought that great art was only made in chains til I met her stuck on rewind stuck on repeat she's on my mind & im out on the street trying to help u find a vein on christmas morning in the dark desperate to kill the pain but just mutilating our arms i dont want to lose my mind i want to live to see us heal the only time i feel safe closing my eyes is wen she reminds me wut is real ashtray heart & chainsmoke brains in a shallow grave I would stir I thought that great art was only made in chains til I met her
8.
every living moment is a moment spent betraying my better judgment if only real life was as simple as crime & punishment I can't be ur endlessly sympathetic ear I can't be a cheerleader for self destruction that's not why Creator left me here to feed ur insatiable consumption if these walls could talk they'd hang their heads in shame for all the secrets they must keep to keep ur PICTURE hanging in the hall of fame if these walls could talk they'd hang their heads in shame waiting for the other shoe to drop so I can walk away u know, a reapers gotta reap cause death will not play ur games every living moment is a moment spent betraying my better judgment if only real life was as simple as crime & punishment
9.
BANDO EYES 01:48
scuttle cross the floor like ur ancestors ur breathing shallow like a cockroach an energy vampire masquerading as a life coach heroin chique & cocaine peaks but I know it's u whose ass reeks get outta here & go clean urself up I can't stand u & I tell myself it's because I understand u but I know it's the fear of the maniacs that ur bound to white pain white anxiety wolves in christ rags virtue signal to infiltrate the enemy they stare out of bando eyes carefully planning my demise (more possibilities are erased the longer I stay away from the monsters I've faced just to be on display & to be displaced I can barely make friends let alone make amends but I'm sure I can adapt even if just to see how this cold war of cowards ends)
10.
TINY POWER 04:01
I can admit wen I'm at fault I confess my aim's not always true that doesn't make me a good person just better than u hold on, hold on to ur tiny power hold on, hold on u fukin coward I made myself small enough to swallow whole & now im nothing but a drug for ur junky soul live authentically, die alone ive done everything to make this cage a home I gave, I gave, I gave until it hurt u stabbed my back, I gave u my bloody shirt time can't heal all wounds because time is a wound i know that I cannot fix u & that we are all doomed hold on, hold on to ur tiny power hold on, hold on u fukin coward I made myself small enough to swallow whole & now im nothing but a drug for ur junky soul

about

made under duress + in mourning

regression therapy

im a big stoopid baby goo goo ga gah

lost little faith in human

I felt so let down by so much & so many

I have trust issues now (again) lol

credits

released January 21, 2023

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about

TJ Felix

just a homesick Qelmucw on stolen land

live band =
Phoenix on bass
Felonious Parker on drums
Matt on guitar /sax

(FKA industrial priest overcoats)

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